April, 2009

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Theatre UAB: Rhinoceros

Friday, April 24th, 2009

Comparing student theatre to mainstream professional theatre may be like comparing concerts from early Guns n’ Roses to late U2.  Bono and the boys have been doing their thing for, what, 30 years?  They’re incredibly well-rehearsed, financially supported, and confidant in their ability to bring an audience with them along for a ride.  But there’s something, an I-don’t-know-what, that makes those early, youthful, and probably mostly-unrehearsed Axl and Slash shows at least partially superior.  Maybe it was because you didn’t know what you were going to get?  A youthful energy?  A real chance that it all might run off the rails?  And we know how Americans love our car crashes.

(I sometimes get distracted just looking for the links I add in…)

I keep the Theatre UAB folks in my bookmarks for that reason.  The acting can be hit-or-miss, but we all understand that there are some limitations of working with a campus theatre.  But they’re doing stuff you won’t see by professionals here.  The Rivals?  Scenes from an Execution?  Yeah, no one else in Birmingham is doing this stuff.  And there’s a certain magic in the performance that’s always worthwhile.

Which leads me to Rhinoceros, by Eugene Ionesco, which the UAB players performed this past weekend.  If you want a great little summary of the plot, I highly recommend clicking on this link.  Basically, this is a zombie movie on a stage.  There’s a rhinoceros sighting.  Then another.  Then we learn that people are turning into rhinos.  Then we see it happen.  Then we’re left alone with the last man and woman on the planet – before they get her, too.  Smashing.

The first thing I noticed about this play is that it was written in 1959 and contains multiple absurdly comic discussions about whether rhinoceroses spotted by the characters are “African or Asiatic”.  That is, whether they have one horn or two.  Sixteen years later – just enough time for a young comic genius to have watched the play and grown into someone capable of producing his own art – Monty Python produced its Holy Grail movie, which opens with its own memorable dialogue about african and european swallows.  (Perhaps now universally recognized as a preferred dork callsign…)  Coincidence?  I doubt it.  But it makes me like the Pythons even better.

Speaking of rhinoceroses, although the play was translated from french, I would swear that half the fun was the Ionesco making the actors say “rhinoceroses” over and over.  Try it – it’s almost a giggle in itself.  Plus, when you pepper the mix with two characters named “Dudard” and “Botard”, it can lead to a tongue-twisting jumble that’s fun to watch and hear.  I can only hope that the script’s language was tortured on purpose.

And speaking of Botard, I thought Daniel Norwood did an excellent job, along with Jon Prensner as the lead and Benoit Johnson as his friend and co-worker, Jean.  I don’t know how much stage direction is in the script, but there seems like it has a lot of room for improvisation and fleshing out of character.  The energy and pacing between the two friends was fun to watch – especially with Johnson turning into a rhinoceros onstage.  And Botard’s extra gestures, expressions, and assorted magix added a lot of laughs for me.

I highly recommend the annual Festival of Ten-Minute plays, coming in the fall.  Can I request that the theatre department film these and put ‘em up on YouTube or their website for more people to enjoy?  Or at least for BV to link to?

“People who try to hang on to their individuality always come to a bad end.”

Baseball Prospectus Idol

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

The folks over at Baseball Prospectus were having a little writing contest, for which I threw together this silly little piece, which can probably be ignored by anyone not a baseball fan.

***

Assosiated Press

SAN FRANCISCO — Barry Bonds gave a press conference today where he announced his desire to rejoin Major League Baseball in the 2009 season.  Giving hints of an unusually broad smile, Bonds detailed his current rigorous training regimen and offered special press access to comprehensive video of his workout routines dating back to February 2008.  “I didn’t want there to be any more questions in the future about,” Bonds hesitated for a moment, “you know.  I’m in the best shape of my life right now.”

Directly addressing concerns that he has been regarded a poor teammate and may only be interested in the money, Bonds stated, “In returning to baseball, I am only interested in winning a championship.  I want to announce publicly that I am willing to play for the league minimum.”  The assembled crowd gasped in unison.  “The only condition I will ask for in my next contract is that,” Bonds stopped again as some experienced members in the media chuckled, “my new team will – when we win the pennant, the division series, the championship series, and then the world series – donate an additional three million dollars at each step of the way to The United Way of the Bay Area.”

Bonds grinned as flashbulbs sparked.  “The 2009 season – and number 763 – will be for the kids.  Major League Baseball ownership can’t say no to that.  Can they?”

***
Assosiated Press

LAS VEGAS — Matt Phillips, a caddy at the TPC Las Vegas golf course, discovered an unusual surprise in a cart’s cup holder last Saturday afternoon.  When washing the vehicles, Phillips paused when he found a creased scorecard and saw it was signed by none other than future hall-of-famer Greg Maddux.  “I couldn’t believe it,” Phillips said.  “I didn’t notice him show up.  I didn’t see him leave.  No one told me he was here.  The man must be like a ninja or something.”

Other than the signature, the writing on the back of the scorecard got Phillips’ attention.  “It had a bunch of scribbles on the back of it – like a list.  It was hard to read at first, but then I got it.  He made a bunch of predictions and listed them out.”  Sure enough, examination of the card, entirely written with a tiny pencil, reads:

* Lowe  – nono – about June 14
* Manny – pitches 1 inn – (”July” is crossed out) Aug?
* Weeters – cycle – Sep 5
* Rocket – still SUX
* Marquis – 15k
* Carp. – dl 27 and 30
* Smz – WS

Legendary for his almost psychic abilities on the pitchers’ mound, little is known whether Maddux possesses true extra-sensory abilities.  When asked about whether he would keep the scorecard, Phillips responded, “Oh yeah.  I can’t sell it yet.  What if they’re all true?  Then it’ll be worth more.  Oh man, but what if they’re not true?  Then it’ll be less.  What do you think I should do?  Do you think he really, like, knows stuff?”  When pressed, Phillips held that his opinion of Maddux would not change even if no predictions came true, “I mean, it’s really too small of a sample size to test for psychicness.”

Maddux finished his day at eight over par.  He could not be reached for comment.
***
Assosiated Press

BOSTON — General Manager Theo Epstein announced yesterday that nearly all Red Sox baseball operations staff and coaches would be required to pass an algebra test in order to remain with the team.  Epstein specifically cited the scouting corps, calling out Jason McLeod, Amiel Sawdaye, Jared Porter, Ben Crockett, and Fernando Tamayo.  An internal memorandum informed the appropriate staff that copies of the book, Practical Algebra: A Self-Teaching Guide, 2nd Edition by Peter H. Selby and Steve Slavin, could
be picked up in his office.  Epstein also mailed a copy to Joe Morgan.

Epstein announced that the math test would be given on the morning of May 11, preceding the team’s road trip to the west coast.  A sample test would be made available in the Red Sox clubhouse library.  A clubhouse source revealed that a possible question might go something like:

Solve for W:
(168 + W + 7 – 1 – 6) * (201 + 0.26(51 – 8 – 7) + 0.52(6 + 5 + 2)) / (581 + 51 + 2 + 6 + 5) = 39

A senior official with the team was quoted as saying, “This is all James’s fault.  Flippin’ Amos Otis.”  When reached for comment, author Peter H. Selby excitedly recounted a willingness to aid the Red Sox in their pursuit of mathematical excellence, “Anyone over there can call me anytime.  I’d love to help them become exceptional at some higher math.  What a good example for my students!”  Life-long New Yorker Steve Slavin responded only with an unprintable obscenity.
***
Disclaimer: None of these stories are well-researched, remotely true, or intended to be taken with anything other than a sense of humor.

The Writer’s Almanac

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

Although for some reason we don’t get it on local public radio, WBHM, I’ve always been a fan of The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Keillor.  It has a great feature on its website where you can sign up for a daily e-mail newsletter.  It’s always at least one poem a day, plus a collection of information and quotes relevant to writers.  I’ve been a subscriber for over a year now and they’ve never done anything too annoying or, to my knowledge, sold my e-mail address for marketing.  I highly recommend it.

The following is just a smattering of inspirational quotes that I’ve collected from the newsletter.

  • “We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
  • “Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.” – Gloria Steinem
  • “Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.” – Earl Warren
  • “What we do might be done in solitude and with great desperation, but it tends to produce exactly the opposite. It tends to produce community and in many people hope and joy.” – Junot Diaz
  • “Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.” – Gustave Flaubert
  • “If you fail, better to fail while daring greatly.” – Theodore Roosevelt
  • “A poem is words that fit together in a special way so it’s easy to remember and it sounds like magic.” – Annie Finch
  • “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso
  • “You are the storyteller of your own life and you can create your own legend or not.” – Isabel Allende
  • “A book must be the ax for the frozen sea within us.” – Franz Kafka
  • “Style is knowing who you are, what to say, and not giving a damn.” – Gore Vidal

Also, one more which, although not from the Almanac, seems relevant: “You’re either rebuilding for something special, or you’re on the verge of something special.  To be in between is foolish.” – Billy Beane

Other Birmingham Blogs?

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

I hold my own with a keyboard, but I’m maybe not so good with the internet.  But I got to wondering today whether we have other quality, well-supported blogs in Birmingham concerning the city in general.  Or the arts specifically.  So this is Daniel’s almost real-time quest to scout out the network for support in helping to make Birmingham just a little bit cooler.  I’m opening Google right now for a Kerouac tour…

I think the first place I already knew about was The Terminal (http://bhamterminal.com), which covers Birmingham generally and also has a specific page for arts and culture.  A feature I highly recommend for residents trying to figure out what to do around here is the Terminal’s Magic City Myspace Directory.  Excellent idea!

For local rock music, I just discovered bham.fm – billed as “music worth reading”.  A site with some good content.  There’s a list of what can only be local bands down the left side of the page.  Another excellent idea!  This is something I’ve wanted for years.  I’ll click down this list later and discover someone new to go see.  Eventually, I’d love to interview some local bands and start reviewing them on here.  There are also well-done lists of local venues and radio stations.

I don’t know if the Black & White and the Birmingham Weekly count, but I’m including them here for completeness.  If so, then the YP Blog probably counts.  How old is too old to be a “young professional”?  How much of a lawyer do I still have to be to be considered a “professional”?

Do I have to mention the Birmingham Injury Blog, since I’m a lawyer?  Seems kinda well-supported, actually.  The other side of Legal Schnauzer, maybe.

Super-quirky, Indian, artsy, Kamat’s Potpourri – the personal home page of the four members of the Kamat family.  These folks apparently share three doctorates, five masters degrees and seven other university degrees.  The website says it constitutes over a hundred person-years of work.

I love the library – do they count?  The Birmingham Public Library has a blog (http://bplolinenews.blogspot.com).  And I hope this excellent blogger continues to rock along, if just purely for the title.  (http://headsubhead.com)  I’ll go back later.

Wade Kwon – who I think went to high school at RLC way before I did – discusses Birmingham and Alabama (http://wadeonbirmingham.com).  Wade recently reached his 2000th post, so I expect he’ll be around for a while, if he doesn’t switch to Twitter – eek.  Another of Wade’s creations may be the Birmingham Blogging Academy, which I think some sort of ‘net decorum requires that I mention.

Howabout Erica Bunker’s D.I.Y. Style?  Does she qualify as Birmingham art?  Although I probably won’t spend much time on her site, I absolutely think so.  (http://www.ericabunker.com)  Very cool and as completely out-of-my-world as that time I called the Smocking Bird.

I have no idea who runs the website at (http://www.ebhm.org), but it’s been an essential resource of mine for local theatre.  And soccer – which makes me think I’d like this person.  Thank you, whoever you are.

A lot of politics out there in blog-land, isn’t there?  Well, not on here.  I keep a tidy house.

Amber Waves of Twang is good for music, plus it’s a pretty spectacular name for a blog.

Food can absolutely be art.  And a good independent guide to local restaurants in Birmingham is here (http://www.bhamdining.com).  Although I admit I’d be like, sort-of, the punk rocker of food.  More good food blogging possibly at: (http://www.bhamsandwich.com).

Extra music coverage from Birmingham Magazine by Carla Jean Whitley?

Super-cool-seeming little book blog, though without an obvious About Me click – I have no idea on the source.  (http://www.swagler.net)

freeThinkBham is a hard name to remember, but has some promise as a place I’ll go back to.  Its Event Finder may be worth the price of admission.  Or, since it’s free, more than the price.  Duh.

I’ll absolutely get back to Laura Axelrod’s site on “Writing, History, and Books”: Gasp! And thanks, Laura, for mentioning my old acquaintance Joe Musso.  Congratulations to Joe on somewhat dodging the constrictive lawyer pants.

Kickass – a painting blogger: Karin Fecteau.  Ms. Fecteau posts an original painting once a week.  A kindred spirit – we should meet!  I need to get off my butt and go paint.

Charles Buchanan’s Pop Goes The City seems promising.  Plus, I like some of his art.

I’m sure I missed some – and I really wish someone would let me know – because this internet thing is pretty cool.  Thanks Al Gore!

Poetry: Mockingbird

Monday, April 20th, 2009

Mockingbird

A mockingbird flew over my head
The other day
And I thought,
“I should reach up and grab you.”

So I did.

A cupped handful of warm gray feathers
Flashing white wingbands
And that neverending stream-of-consciousness monologue,
Now just a clacking and irritated mini-tornado.

I’ll tell you the truth,
Them things don’t like being caught.

I couldn’t help but think of the day we met
And how you zoomed along right past me
Looking nice-as-could-be
With your curls and swingy dress.

It took just about the whole rest of the year
To get you to kiss me, but
It was worth it.