I was reading the most recent issue of the Black & White (Birmingham’s city paper) and came across an event listing, repeated here verbatim:

♦ Charity Cornhole Contest: The John Carroll Catholic Cornhole Classic is a tournament held every year to benefit John Carroll High School. Cornholing is a lawn game, similar to horseshoes, in which players take turns tossing one-pound beanbags filled with dry corn at a raised platform with a hole in the far end. Includes door prizes, giveaways, and free soft drinks. Bring your lawn chairs and a cooler (alcohol is permitted). For those who wish to compete, there are two divisions: the social division costs $50 per team of two, and prizes are awarded to top finishers; the open division costs $70 per team of two, and cash prizes are awarded. Free to attend. John Carroll Catholic High School, Lower Practice Field (300 Lakeshore Pkwy). Details: 266-8009 or www.alabamacornhole.com.

I couldn’t stop laughing.  Still can’t.  Seriously, alabamacornhole.com?  “The John Carroll Catholic Cornhole Classic”?  Does someone over there have a clue?

Wikipedia on “cornhole”: “Cornhole (game), a game also known as Corn Toss or Bean Bag Toss.  A slang term for anus (noun) or anal sex (verb).”

Urban Dictionary on “cornhole”: “To get bonked in the butt.”

Beavis on “cornhole”: “I am Cornholio!”

My favorite might be www.allthingscornhole.com: “Cornhole – The Family Friendly Game”.

Should Catholics really be sponsoring such things?  I can’t decide whether I’d want to get into the “social division” or the “open division”.  How does one get to be a “top finisher”?  I sure am glad “alcohol is permitted”!  (Insert your own punchline here…  Too.  Many.  Jokes.)

I couldn’t have come up with this if I had a million monkeys on a million typewriters.  Couldn’t they please re-brand this as “Bean Bag Toss” or something?

Someone please forward this to Jay Leno, Reddit, etc.